Waking up: Through the eyes of a First Year

This post is a long one... don't say I didn't warn you.

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This is a first hand account of what the herculean task of waking up was to a newly sleep-deprived first year in his first few weeks at NLIU.

Note: My thoughts are in italics, everything spoken is in regular characters.

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8:26 AM: Room A-116, New Boys Hostel, NLIU Bhopal

{Alarm number one i.e. Parnil’s cellphone begins to beep}

Something is beeping. My phone is beeping. No, it can’t be my phone beeping… its only been 3 minutes since I went to bed… Or if it is my phone beeping, its clock has gone wrong. Nope. This can’t be my phone beeping. I should sleep more. Sleep. Sleep. Beep. Beep. My phone is beeping. WHY THE *content suppressed* IS MY *content suppressed* PHONE BEEPING!?!? AAAAAAAAAAH! Goodbye phone. I am not listening to your *content suppressed for language* BEEPING! Hello Mr. Sleep, take me away! Sleep. Sleep. Sleezzzzzzz…

Yash: *drool*

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8:45 AM: Room A-116, New Boys Hostel, NLIU Bhopal

{Alarm number two i.e. Parnil’s other phone begins to beep. Alarm number one has overcome the snooze limit and its beeping can no longer be stopped. T minus 15 minutes to class}

Something is beeping. Has this happened before? No it hasn’t. Déjà Vu. In the morning. But my phone is beeping. Or should that by my phones are beeping. Are my phones beeping? Why yes. Yes they are. And they’re doing it together. Beep. Boop. Beep. Boop. Wow. That’s kinda catchy. That’s a catchy… a catchy… that’s a catchy beep. Hmmmmm… catchy. Catch. Catch a cat. Cat caught a cat’s catch. Catch some sleep. Sleep beep. Beep beep. Boop. Boos. Booze. Boozzzzzz…

Yash: *Snort*

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8:47 AM: Room A-116, New Boys Hostel, NLIU Bhopal

{Alarms one and two have now reached a feverish pitch. Alarm number three (Yash’s cellphone) joins in with a beautiful tremolo. Alarms four and five i.e. Parnil’s iPod and wristwatch also begin to contribute to the rising crescendo – the Alarm orchestra has reached a point where it would put the London Philharmonic to shame. Alarm number six i.e. Amit Mate has begun to bang on the door, adding a tasteful rhythm section to this symphonious masterpiece. He swears in the countertenor voice that is his gift.}

Amit: *banging* Uth jaao bétiyon! Kyon phirsé class ki sorry kar rahé ho?!

Amit… I can hear Amit. I’m dreaming about Amit. Why am I dreaming about Amit? Amit is not a scantily clad Megan Fox... why am I dreaming about Amit? I can hear Amit. I can also hear beeping. So much beeping. I should see what time it is… maybe it’s happy time. Beep boop. Hehe. Boop. That rhymes with poop. Boop boop poop.

Parnil: *rolls over and falls off bed, climbs back up unperturbed, claws around for phone through one half-open eye*

Eight four seven. Eight four seven… Four eight seven. Four ate seven. Hehe. Funny. Its 4:87 in the morning. But that doesn’t sound right… Eighty seven? No wait. Eight… Four… Seven. Eight forty-seven. That’s ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen minutes to nine. Thirteen. Class starts at nine. Nine O’ Clock.

I’m so smart. I think I should sleep some more because of how smart I am.


Eight Forty-Seven.


EIGHT FORTY-SEVEN!?!?! *expletive deleted*

Oi! Yash! GET THE *expletive deleted* UP! CLASS STARTS IN THIRTEEN MINUTES!!

Yash: *drool* Hmm? Hmm.

Parnil: DUDE! YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME! GET UP!!

Yash: Mmhmm. Hmm.

Ohcrapohcrapohcrapohcrap. This is bad.

*Grabs toothbrush, toothpaste, liquid soap, bottle of Old SpiceTM and mug, scrambles out of the room hurtling towards the bathroom*

Amit: Kya kar rahé ho?!

Parnil: Thank you Mate, owe you Mate, love you Mate.

Amit: Aww… you say the sweetest things.

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8:51 AM: Middle Stall, Boys Bathroom #2, New Boys Hostel, NLIU Bhopal

Parnil: *sprinkles Old SpiceTM liberally around stall, eyes turn towards toilet seat where there is a small, green and clearly surprised amphibian staring back. It’s large, liquid eyes unblinkingly gaze into Parnil’s puffy, red and wide open ones*

What the? *Blink* Is that a frog?!

Why yes. Yes it is. There is a frog on the toilet. I wonder what the French for that is. Il ya un grenouille sur la chaise de toilette... wait. Now is not the time. I am late. And there is a frog on the toilet. THERE IS A FREAKING FROG ON THE *expletive deleted* TOILET!! AAAAAH!

Parnil: MATE! MAAAAAATE! THERE IS A FLUGGING FROG ON THE TOILET SEAT IN THIS STALL!

Amit: Well then apologize to it and come back out.

Parnil: ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!

Amit: What? It was there first you know. It called dibs.

Parnil: *Unacceptable language deleted* YOU!

Amit: Not now honey. And wake Yash up.

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8:56 AM: Room A-116, New Boys Hostel, NLIU Bhopal


Okay, I fell asleep in a Teeshirt and a pair of Jeans last night. That takes care of the clothes problem. Mental Checklist: Pens – Will borrow them in class, check. Register – Have the Common Law register, that should work for now, check. Phone – Check. Am I wearing pants – Check. Alrighty then. What am I forgetting?

Yash: *snort*

Yash. I am forgetting Yash. I mustn’t forget Yash.

Parnil: YASH! WAKE UP! IT IS TIME! WE SHOULD BE IN CLASS RIGHT NOW! AAAAH!

Yash: Hmm? Mmmhmm. Hmm.

Parnil: *Climbs up on Yash then punches him in the back. Stands up on him and begins to jump*

WAKE UP! YASH! YAAAAASH! WAKE UP!

Yash: What?! I’m up man! You could try just telling me to wake up verbally you know… What is wrong with you?!

Parnil: *Still jumping on Yash*

TRIED! YOU DIDN’T LISTEN! WAKE UP!

Amit: *walks in, sees Yash sprawled on bed, Parnil jumping on top of him*

I’ll give you two a minute alone then…

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9:01 AM: Room 1, Academic Block, NLIU Bhopal

I’m late I’m late I’m late I’m late. Crapcrapcrapcrapcrap.

Parnil: *pries open door, sees the Professor taking attendance, sheepishly requests to be let in*

Professor: *Looks at Parnil exasperatedly, nods, goes back to attendance*

Roll Number 17!

Hold on. Did he just say 17? HE SAID 17! YES! I MADE IT! HAHAHAHAHAHA! WOO HOO! Who’s your daddy now, who’s your daddy now, who’s your daddy now?! Oh yeah!

Parnil: *walks up to a seat at the back, grins at Kanu, Kriti, Shreya and Krithika*

You know I almost missed it today. Almost. You guys will not believe what I saw in the toilet today.

Shreya: I really don’t like the direction I see this conversation taking…

Professor: Roll Number 19!

Parnil: No it isn’t dirty, I swear. I walked in and I saw a frog! Can you believe it?! A frog!

Professor: Roll Number 20!

Shreya: Parnil…

Parnil: I mean, how crazy is that? A frog! And I was so convinced I’d missed attendance! Wow,
can you imagine my luck?

Kriti: Parnil…

Professor: Roll Number 21!

Parnil: But it’s not luck is it? He was at 17 when I walked in! Can you believe it? Like 4 roll numbers away! But I really am that awesome, even if I do say so myself…

Kriti, Shreya, Kanu, Krithika: PARNIL!

Professor: Roll Number 22!

Kanu: Present Sir!

Parnil: *Realization dawns. The Pyrrhic victory is no longer a victory at all. Once again the wily beast of attendance has eluded capture*

Parnil: OH YOU *expletive deleted*



-End-